boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
