20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
