i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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