It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
