in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
