you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
