do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
