I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
