K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
