i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
