Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
