I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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