He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
