I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
