Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
