thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
