i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
