I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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