He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
