A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize