The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize