He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize