If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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