she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
