My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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