I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
