You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
