I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
