Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize