...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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