Welp...herpes.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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