We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize