I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
