from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
