Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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