Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
