I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
