and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize