I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
