So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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