we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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