I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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