You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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