Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
