There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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