How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish you could order shots online.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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