Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
