god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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