Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
