His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
