A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
