You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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