I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize