Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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