Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
