I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
