wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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