I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
