New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
