dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
