Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm like, not good at living.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
