whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Who wears a wallet chain?!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
