apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
