i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
