My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
