i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
