Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
