i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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