At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
