You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
