it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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