You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
